Welcome back to my ongoing Recap series of Kamen Rider Kuuga! If you are making it this far along you are really getting in for the long haul… seriously, awesome. I love it. You’re great. So many thumbs up.
This week starts us off with the introduction of something that’ll become a bit common in Kuuga. Timeskips!
While Ichijo is reviewing that creepy footage of Unidentified Life Form Number 0 murdering the original archaeology team, Sugita shows up and casually mentions that offscreen there have been a few Kaijin fights we haven’t seen. But he drops an even bigger bombshell immediately after.
Apparently, the police have managed to take down one of the Kaijin themselves, without Kuuga’s help. Man! And we didn’t get to see it on screen! I’m curious to speculate as to how they pulled it off. While the obvious answer would be a series of lucky pinpoint rifle shots I’m going to go ahead and assume that Ichijo managed to emulate Kuuga and jump kick one of them and it exploded. There were like thumbs up everywhere and it was awesome.
If they are leaving it up to the audiences imagination I will imagine something cool.
After the opening credits we see Godai continuing his job of being a terrible employee. He’s at Pore Pore but instead of doing any actual work he’s spending his time being even worse at his secret identity than usual. He’s using one of his 1999 skills, sewing, to put Kuuga symbols into all of his clothes.
And he is super proud of it!
The public only knows him as Number 4, and it’s not like his symbol is super prominent or anything, but he is just going out of his way to try and have someone figure out who he is. He even explicitly tries to tell the Pore Pore manager he’s Kuuga, but since his boss is functionally retarded he mistakes the name ‘Kuuga’ for some celebrities and makes a bad joke about it.
Manager then straight up asks Godai to do some actual work for once only for our hero to once again employ his work ditching skill so he can go show off his new clothes to Sakurako.
We cut over to a scene with the Kaijin, catching them as they’re listening to the radio and slowly sounding out Japanese words.
After saying the Japanese name for their species the Snazzy Vest Kaijin points to the group of them, demonstrating some understanding of the language. But their language lessons are soon interrupted by the arrival of the Rose Woman with a whole new bunch of tattooed Kaijin in tow.
The group the audience is familiar with doesn’t seem to take kindly to the new ones, and Mr. Bigface Yells-at-trains shifts to his Rhino Kaijin form while one of the newcomers shifts into a Pirahna Kaijin. The two get ready to throw down only to be stopped by a simple finger snap from the Rose Woman right when they were at each others throats.
Man… I mean, I don’t know about you all but I was all hyped to see some Kaijin on Kaijin action! But some confusing Kaijin business is good too, I guess. First off we get to see Rose Woman hold up a sheet that has two groups of Kaijin tattoos on it, with one group having a bunch crossed out. A quick eye will note those tats are some from the ones Kuuga has taken out already, so she is probably pointing out that the Kaijin we’ve been following so far are getting their butts kicked while these new guys haven’t yet.
I kind of feel like that may be a skewed sample pool. I mean, at this point the only Kaijin Kuuga has fought that he didn’t explode was the Bat, and that was from the group we already know. It’s kind of easy to say these new guys haven’t been exploded yet when they’ve just been off screen wandering around Tokyo doing all that random human Kaijin stuff. But far be it from me to tell Rose Woman how to do what I am assuming her job is, as she is after all maybe sort of the boss of these guys kind of it seems like?
One of the new Kaijin takes the chalkboard and draws some squiggly lines on it, and for his fine penmanship gets some of those fancy bracelets from the Rose Woman and some horn ring to the midsection whistle sound touching. Which really all makes as much sense when you see it as when I try to describe it, I promise you.
Sugita and Ichijo are at the gun range trying out their new revolvers, having once again received upgraded firearms from the police department. This sort of thing seems to happen on a bi-weekly basis and it makes me wonder why they are holding out on the good stuff in the first place? I’m pretty sure once bullet proof monster show up you should just be issuing the best guns immediately.
Ichijo also reveals that the police have found the burial site where the magic lightning revived the Kaijin back in episode 1, and their estimates of the number of unearthed graves put the count of raised Kaijin at at least 200. Which is bad news. I mean, I hope I don’t have to point that out but want to be sure I’m not losing you readers on this.
Worse news is we’re about to be introduced to a really annoying character.
Or shall I say reintroduced? Do you remember that girl who was crying during the archaeology professors funeral? Well it was his daughter. She shows up with her mother to whine about how the police haven’t yet been able to find the ancient monster who killed her dad. It has been like a month since that murder, the first ever one performed by an Unidentified Life Form that was only captured on grainy video. What the heck are you expecting people?
It should be noted that Ichijo is explicitly taking time out from going to investigate a recent Kaijin killing that was reported in so that he can listen to these people complain about how the cops aren’t getting anything done. The daughter reveals she brought along some of the stuff her dad dug out of the ruins, and Ichijo finally excuses himself to do his job when he realizes he can pawn them off on Sakurako and Jean at the university to look at it. This makes the daughter all sad because apparently the police being too busy to listen to her families complaints about them not working hard enough is rough times.
And seriously, during this scene Ichijo keeps looking at the back of the room longingly because tons of other cops are all hurriedly rushing to the crime scene and he wants to get back to doing his job, rather than waste time listening to people whine at him for not doing his job. These people… ugh.
Alright, time for some mystery fun times!
Ichijo arrives late so Sugita catches him up on the nuttiness. The victim was shot by something straight through the center of the head so precisely that the bullet passed right through the heart and out through the leg. Which is of course total overkill as if you shoot someone through the center of the head they are dead anyways, but man if it’s not cool. I always appreciate some stylish assassinating, and some of these Kaijin are really committed to being good at their jobs, and a sniper who always gets a lethal head and heart shot on a single bullet is pretty badass.
Over the timeskip Sakurako has decided to become decent at her job, which is good news for her in terms of the me not hating her at least! Actually, there’s a pretty cool little note where she explains to Godai that she took a word they knew, ‘Kuuga’, and was able to find a part in the text where it was spelled out phonetically. From that she was able to deduce the rest of the alphabet by building on other context clues and connecting the dots with other words. That’s like actual linguistic science stuff, neat!
And from that actual sciency work she’s found out two very important words. The tribe that Kuuga comes from is the ‘Linto’, but far more pertinent to these recaps she FINALLY figures out the name of the Kaijin!
It should be noted that now through the magic of retrospection we can tell that the Grongi have actually used the words ‘Linto’ and ‘Grongi’ a few times in the past. However since all their language is nonsense there was no way to tell that they were explicitly proper nouns.
But hey, look who shows up! This week’s enemies of people actually doing their jobs, the professor’s family! The professor’s wife and daughter swing by and Sakurako notes that she knows them… and I realize it’s kind of weird that the police had to introduce them to Sakurako since she had been working with the professor and knows who they are already. I mean Ichijo wrote them a referral so they could go meet with someone they already knew and it is kind of odd that they even acknowledge it in show.
Anyways, the daughter tries to give the stone to Jean so that he can study it and figure out if it has anything to do with Number 0 and Jean seems super excited as he is all about rock studies! So of course the daughter gets pissed that Jean is excited about doing the thing he loves for a living that will also help her out because apparently he should be somber and sad and mopey like her.
In the middle of Japan being in possibly its biggest crisis ever, with bullet proof monster serial killers attacking people seemingly without reason, Mika is upset because everyone is too busy trying to stop the monsters and no one is talking about how sad it is that her Dad was the first of at this point hundreds of victims.
I guess I should be cutting her some slack because, you know, her Dad was executed horror movie style. But honestly he was an archaeologist who spent his life digging around in ancient tombs covered in cursed hieroglyphics. I’m pretty sure his family should have been prepared for some kind of monster to kill him, as that kind of thing just comes with the job. I guess maybe it’d have been easier for them to cope with if it had been a Mummy? Oh, I should note we learn her name is Mika only because her mother keeps yelling it at her to try and get her to stop being such a whiner.
Well, after Mika does the whiny storming out that was obviously coming Sakurako gets a call from Ichijo who is looking for Godai. So Godai goes to meet him at the Police Science Research Institute where Ichijo introduces him to an old friend of his, the scientist Enokida.
Enokida notes that Ichijo has a glow about him like he got a girlfriend, which Ichijo directly denies while Godai kind of awkwardly shuffles around behind him.
It’s not that weird Enokida! Though seriously Ichijo, you’re dragging Godai off to meet your weird friends and you still won’t be honest about your relationship? No wonder he’s acting all awkward.
Godai hands over a copy of his business card to introduce himself, and it is revealed that he has crossed through the 1999 and now officially claims 2000 abilities! What with the 2000th ability being to transform into Kuuga and all. I do kind of think that he’s selling himself a little short on that one because I’d say that all the color changing and what not means way more than just 1 ability but I guess Godai is going to be a bit humble on this one. Plus, nice round number and all.
Enokida reveals that they analyzed a huge needle that was found at the crime scene that has a lot of similar properties to a Bee stinger. But then she comments on how since the dead bodies all had clean holes shot straight through them by the needle, that she thinks they’re dealing with a Grongi with the properties of a Bee. Now… I’m not sure she’s implying this but it kind of sounds like from the way she phrases her analysis that Japanese Bees are capable of launching their stingers like missiles at people. Which means either she’s not that great a researcher or I am never, ever going to Japan in my life.
We get a really cool montage of the Bee Grongi murdering people after this. It’s just people going about their everyday lives, and then there’s a ‘fwip’ sound and a little dust cloud at their feet and they collapse.
After a few go down we cut back to the police to find Ichijo and Godai going over the new rash of murders we’ve just seen as they mark them on a map. They’ve all taken place 15 minutes apart, but will they be able to figure out where the next murder will take place? Is there perhaps… some kind of pattern they could discern to track the Bee Grongi’s movements?
Yeah so… apparently this Grongi is not exactly great at keeping a low profile. I do find it funny that he managed to find someone in the middle of the lake there that happened to correspond to the right part of his attack pattern. I mean I could imagine him flying out above the water and being like ‘Man I really hope someones out boating today… or else this is going to be one crappy spiral…’
But hey, before we can get to the action we get a little snippet of the professors daughter calling the police where she threatens to commit suicide if they don’t find Number 0. Because Mika was already so likeable!
The Bee Grongi racks up another kill, and after landing to inspect the body he does that jewelry adjustment thing. Pushing a bead on his bracelet over before we see the Bat Grongi looking on.
The Bat says something in the Grongi language, causing the Bee to say something back and laugh, which either means the Bat was being really pathetic and thus should be mocked (very likely considering everything we’ve seen of him) or the Bat just told a hilarious joke (not very likely but far more entertaining a thought)!
My guess is the Bat went with ‘Sorry, I don’t mean to intrude on your Buzziness.’ Which normally would not be the best joke ever but you have to remember he is talking to a literal Bee-man monster and I am telling you if you pick your audience right that joke is dynamite! Try it out the next time you meet up with a Bee-man monster right after he’s killed a dude and I promise you you’ll be the one doing the killing, with comedy!
While he is enjoying a good laugh Ichijo cold shoots the bracelet right off the Bee’s wrist, which is either incredible marksmanship or a sign that he missed way left of actually doing serious damage to the Bee. As Kuuga runs off to engage the Bee, the Bat makes a run for the discarded bracelet only to get shot at by Ichijo, where he shifts into his Kaijin form and Ichijo recognizes him. Also, since he gets his hat knocked off the Bat has to run away from the sunlight and man it is really hard to believe he was like a scary vampire dude when he first showed up because he has just fallen to the point of being hilariously lame now.
I should mention the Bat Grongi even makes these screeching whimpering sounds while he’s being shot at and running away from the sunlight that are horribly pathetic. It is just glorious.
Kuuga and the Bee fight for a bit, and for once in the series Kuuga seems to start out with the immediate advantage, basically landing every hit with no retaliation coming his way. Maybe he’s getting used to this fighting thing! I bet nothing bad will happen this time around!
The Bee decides to fly off and… Kuuga realizes that once again he forgot to pack the Trychaser along, and he is forced to manually climb a bunch of stairs. Kuuga if you are going to be so hyped about your motorcycle being able to climb stairs you should remember to bring it the next time you fight a dude near some stairs! This is like the second time already geez.
Well, Kuuga does shift to Blue while running up the stairs, which through the magic of wobbly sound effects and sped up footage lets him climb the stairs at super speed, so I guess he doesn’t even need the Trychaser anymore. Man, it just debuted a few episodes ago and it’s already old hat. Also eventually he realizes he can just jump to the top of the thing he’s climbing, since he has super jump powers, so he just does that. I… I think he’s kind of still getting used to the whole concept of having super powers.
He also kind of forgot the whole lesson from last week, about how he can only fight in Blue form when he’s using its staff weapon. Now that he’s exposed on a roof the Bee Grongi uses its high speed flying to hide itself and then get the drop on Kuuga pounding the crap out of him. Kuuga tries to land some hits but since his punching power has decreased (remember the exposition), he really can’t do jack all anymore except get knocked off a ledge. But once Kuuga grabs on to nearby railing to keep from falling… something unexpected happens!
Ok, I bet this time his new power won’t immediately backfire on him. I mean one of these things has to at least work out neutrally right? He probably just got flying powers or something annnnnnnnnd basically he gets super hearing which causes him to hear everything going on in the whole city at once, and the sensory overload causes him to lose his grip and fall to his imminent death.
I mean that power-up was so bad it didn’t even cause him to be worse at fighting the Grongi, it basically ended up causing him to accidentally commit suicide! That is by far the worst power-up yet, considering it is so far actually worse than if he had just turned back into regular Godai. Man, what a great way to end an episode. Seriously, I totally dig how sucky it is for him having to figure this crap out week to week.
So, Final Thoughts?
This episode is honestly a bit of a drag. It runs a bit slow since it’s dragged down by Mika whenever it’s just about to get good. I mean there is literally a scene here where Ichijo is practicing with his super cool new revolver and gets a call about a Grongi attack, and rather than getting to see him go monster fighting we get to see him instead listen to her whine.
Even though Enokida was introduced she didn’t get a chance to really do anything yet, and nothing she has done on screen couldn’t have been handled by just Ichijo announcing he recieved a report from someone. That’ll change up later but for now she’s just been exposition.
It’s hard to avoid speculation since I already know the answers, but with us getting more and more of the Grongi business there’s a lot more clues to what they’re doing, and that’s definitely cool.
And now on the next episode of Kamen Rider Kuuga!
Mika realizes that your humble recapper has been right about her whining! A weird creepy double face closeup of Godai and Tsubaki! Grongi talking nonsense! Mika… oh come on Mika actually attempts suicide by stepping in front of a train (geeeeeeeeeeeeeez.)
There’s even cool stuff after that but how am I supposed to be all lighthearted and jokey when she’s going to go and pull that kind of crap in my next episode preview. I am harrumphing so hard right now.
All of that and more on in Kamen Rider Kuuga Episode 8: Archer… I can’t even use exclamation points because I’d look super lame for being hype about an episode that includes a teen girl’s attempted suicide. YOU RUIN EVERYTHING MIKA.
Hee hee hee… ‘Buzziness.’ Cracks me up every time.
Kamen Rider is Copyright Toei Company, TV Asashi, and Bandai. The Subbed version recapped in this article was produced by the wonderful folks at TV-Nihon.
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