Welcome back readers to my new recap series, chronicling the insanity that is the legendary Toei series Japanese Spider-Man! Or, Supaidāman, if you’re feeling phonetic. A simple white on blue title screen gives us this episodes name “The Animate Accessory is the Beetle Spy of Love.” I’m going to go ahead and spoil things for you by letting you know that that title will shockingly prove to be accurate.
The episode proper actually kicks off with Professor Monster showing off the ‘Blue Diamond’ to Amazoness. It’s so rare a gem that it is the only gem of it’s kind in the entire world. How did Professor Monster acquire this impossibly rare gem? Eh that’s not important. What is important is that if he jams this gem into a little slot in his latest Machine Bem, Kabuton, then it will have be able to shoot a laser beam ‘100 times stronger than normal.’
Not really sure what having a super strong laser beam has to do with being invincible but hey I’m not the person with the degree in monsters here. Professor Monster declares that Kabuton’s beam will be strong enough to actually punch a hole in Leopardon, and demonstrates it by having Kabuton blow up some steel plate that Amazonesses hand laser gun couldn’t damage. Which since we’ve never seen Amazoness ever actually shoot her ray gun tells us absolutely nothing about how strong his laser actually is. Professor Monster than announces it’s time to start their dastardly plan for the week so Kabuton shrinks down and flies off to Amazonesses hand. I wonder what evil plan they have in store for this now spy sized beetle! I mean he could go anywhere, hiding in plain sight! He could spy on the police, the Prime Minister even! 
Or you know they could plant it where Takuji, Takuya’s younger brother, will catch it. What’s kind of interesting about that is that Amazoness doesn’t actually think Takuya has a connection to Spider-Man, but that Shinko does. Considering that is not something she’s ever mentioned before in the series (since she usually tries to get Hitomi involved in her Spider-Man plots) I’m really starting to wonder if she just maybe thinks Spider-Man is actually a woman for some reason?
Shinko heads off and Kabuton escapes before Takuji is able to put him in a little plastic cage, so at least Kabuton wasn’t defeated that easily. Though it does make the whole ‘let Takuji catch him’ plan kind of pointless when he’s under orders just to follow Shinko around and that shouldn’t be hard to do for a bug. His tailing actually turns out to be rather useful as Shinko is secretly working with a scientist named Professor Sunamura developing an underground meteorite detector because her father had been working on one before he died, and though it doesn’t come up a lot in the show you might remember that she was actually his assistant. Kabuton isn’t having any of that, though… I mean he was under orders to follow Shinko to see if she had a connection with Spider-Man so I don’t know why he cares about something that will let people find rocks in the ground. Still I suppose he knows what he’s doing as he grows big and attacks Shinko and the helpless scientists!
Despite being some indiscriminate distance away Takuya is able to suit up and get to the scene as Spider-Man to save the scientists by… reminding them that the door is unlocked and they can just walk away from Kabuton. 
It’s pretty great, Kabuton is burning up the plans for the meteorite detector and waving it at everyone and Spider-Man just has to show up and push the door open for them to realize that running was totally an option in this situation. Kabuton starts firin’ his laser at Spider-Man and it… well it’s not super impressive. It blows smalls holes in walls. I mean yeah that’s not bad but really I was kind of hoping for something with a little more punch.
Spider-Man does believe that he couldn’t survive a direct hit from the beam but he’s able to come up with a shockingly effective counter strategy. 
The Spider-Bracelet has a little mirror on it so he’s able to use that to completely reflect Kabuton’s beam. And while that should just be the end of the episode somehow that ‘100 times more powerful laser’ that is supposed to be able to blow a hole in the invincible Leopardon is not really able to do more than injure Kabuton himself. Also apparently Amazoness was hanging out right nearby herself which is a good sign that having Kabuton serve as a spy was not really all that necessary, but it does lead to this great exchange. 
Kabuton you are really not starting things off well. Amazoness does note that the device they were working on would let them locate the Iron Cross Armies base so Kabuton has to keep spying on Shinko to make sure it isn’t completed.
Kabuton wants to take a break to treat his shoulder injury but Amazoness just smacks him around some and tells him to get back to work. He whines a bit (really coming off as ‘invincible’ there Kabuton) and tries to sneak past Takuji who is once again proving how completely amazing he is by proudly sitting out on the fence leading to the Yamashiro house openly taunting the Iron Cross Army to try and attack them. Takuji is too effective a guard though and catches Kabuton, but only recognizes him as the small bug he’d caught earlier that flew away. He takes him in where Shinko, despite having scene a small beetle grow into a large beetle that attacked her earlier that day, decides to break out her medical kit to… treat his injured shoulder? 
I’m kind of with Takuji here, I’m not sure that human medicine would work on an insect. But still she rubs some stuff on him and already Kabuton can tell that Shinko isn’t like Amazoness. Hey buddy, there’s plenty of guys out there that might want someone in a black onesie to beat them with a riding crop while calling them an idiot. Not your humble Recapper of course, just saying.
Takuya has a call with Hitomi where Takuya talks about how Shinko needs to stop being so paranoid and get out of the house, which considering he knows that a giant laser shooting beetle is after her seems a bit cold hearted. But hey we do learn it’s Shinko’s birthday too. Hitomi decides to head over to visit but on the way out runs into her editor (Amazoness in her civilian disguise) who is wearing a LIVING BEETLE on a chain as an ‘Animate Accessory’, and it takes Hitomi all of one trip over to the Yamashiro household to already be in on this new fad! 
Alright so this bears some breakdown. Amazoness knows she needs to get Kabuton near Shinko. Kabuton is a small, easily ignored insect that can fly and will seem rather unremarkable anywhere he goes. So her best plan is to invent a new fad that she tricks Hitomi into being interested in, in the hopes that Hitomi will trick Shinko into joining her in the same fad. And like all the best absurd Iron Cross Army plans, it totally works! 
But wait you might ask, if they have a live feed video camera that can apparently follow Shinko around without her noticing why do they need Kabuton? Obviously because… shut up, that’s why! Kabuton is totally getting high off Shinko’s perfume (and riding in a very… *ahem* compromising location), while the gang all takes a trip so that Takuya can buy Shinko a birthday present. Takuya didn’t get her one in advance because, obviously, he’s an insensitive jerk. If you haven’t figured that out yet you really haven’t been paying any attention to the show.
They find a dress that Shinko likes but it’s way too expensive for Takuya’s poor budget (he hasn’t won any racing competitions lately because he’s been busy murdering Ninders), so he’s only able to get her a cheap necklace instead. After going out shopping Shinko realizes that keeping insects locked up is bad for them, and they let go all the other beetles Takuji captured along with Kabuton. I’m… not quite sure how they attached him to the chain (it looks like they secured a loop to his back somehow), but let’s just assume it was something easily removed I guess? And since she’s been so kind to him that can only mean one thing. 
Kabuton watches her sleep like a creeper. Well as we all know now thanks to a terrible book series that shall remain nameless, watching someone sleep does mean that you’re in love with them. Though I should note that oddly enough Kabuton seems to believe it’s the insect part of him that allows him to love, which… sure, why not. I’m willing to go with it. Because who can say against the mysterious and lovely whims of the insect? Not I good readers, not I. Kabuton does decide to demonstrate his love by stealing the dress she wanted, which is… mildly romantic I guess. He does however murder the shopkeeper who owned the dress which is probably a bit less so.
The dress is dropped off at the Yamashiro household where Shinko finds it the next day with a ‘from Santa’ note attached. Little known fact, the Japanese do think Santa Claus is a giant Kabuto beetle monster who can fire lasers from his chest. Shinko is all excited about the dress thinking it’s from Takuya until he tells her he didn’t get it for her, and Hitomi soon calls over to let them know about the robbery and murder which puts quite the damper on her good times.
Takuya shows some surprising detective intuition when he realizes that only someone present when they were shopping would know Shinko wanted the dress, and that the crime scene looks like it was damaged by a laser which of course means that the small beetle on Shinko’s neck had really been Kabuton. It’s kind of great that he is of course completely right about that pretty absurd premise. At least he’s on the right wavelength to counter Professor Monster’s plans.
Kabuton meanwhile is being punished for getting Shinko a present. It’s kind of hilarious because the Iron Cross Army isn’t upset with him for breaking cover or anything like that, Amazoness is punishing him because Shinko is one of their enemies so she seems personally offended that Kabuton would want to give her a gift. She kicks him a few times which, again, not everyone would likely be complaining about, but then he starts getting electrically shocked which might be too much for even your humble recapper… I mean ah… some people.
Professor Monster once again demonstrates that he has cameras definitely out there monitoring Shinko as they are just watching her swimming in a pool, and he talks very authoritatively about the fact that she hasn’t been meeting with Professor Sunamura. Thankfully he’s smart enough to order Kabuton to track down the Professor this time, since really all he wants is that meteorite detector destroyed. Kabuton is under threat of death now if he fails again, which of course means Kabuton’s first order of business is to go creep on Shinko some more. Well considering he can turn into a miniature beetle at least he can do it stealthily.
Ha ha, just kidding! With Shinko out swimming he decides to go hang out in the bushes nearby in his full size kaijin form… for some reason! And then in one of the weirdest excuses for a plot twist ever he orders another beetle (apparently he has control over other beetles) to go and steal the cheap necklace that Takuya had bought for her so he can swap it out with the one of a kind Blue Diamond that powers his laser so she’ll unknowingly have a permanent token of his affection.
It turns out that the Iron Cross Army was completely wrong though, because Shinko was only swimming at this hotel pool because she was secretly meeting with Professor Sunamura there… which is fine because also apparently even though they thought she wasn’t meeting with him anymore Amazoness was secretly following her with Kabuton so that she would lead them to Professor Sunamura! Hey don’t blame me folks I don’t write the plot holes I just talk about them.
Spider-Man was apparently waiting behind a curtain though (I would say he came in through the window but it was closed), so he is able to leap out and protect the scientists from Kabuton’s very half-hearted attack. The fight quickly heads outside after the fleeing scientists while a Ninder squad joins in and the only real highlight is a bit where Kabuton sucks himself all up in his shell and zooms around on the ground like some kind of little beetle car.
Soon though Amazoness has Shinko and the scientists cornered while Spider-Man is being kept busy elsewhere, and for once rather than gloat or threaten or have Ninders slowly backflip there way in advance on her target she just straight up pulls out her ray gun and gets to the shooting.
And of course since Professor Sunamura is the one who is constructing the device they’re after and is completely at her mercy and the already stated highest priority target, she aims for Shinko first. Amazoness really carries a jealous streak doesn’t she?
But what’s this! despite Shinko’s necklace being literally an inch in diameter Amazoness is able to perfectly hit the blue diamond rather than any other single part on Shinko’s body. The laser beam is then… stored and then fired back out in a split beam that knocks out a bunch of Ninders… for some reason. And then after freaking out Shinko throws the necklace away… where it explodes and knocks back Amazoness and the rest of her Ninders. Considering all we know about the blue diamond is that it amplifies lasers I can say that none of that made any sense but maybe we can chalk it all up to the power… of love.
After getting smacked around for a bit Kabuton decides it’s time to get up to giant size, but this time when they try to work him into the skybox… yeah it just does not come off looking right at all.
I don’t know if it’s just the size or the odd perspective but now I feel bad for talking about how much I liked that special effect before… maybe it just really only looks good in the mountains.
We do get a bit of a rare shot after that though, and one Kabuton has earned for being such a fun Machine Bem. So let’s enjoy seeing Leopardon and a Machine Bem actually in the same shot for once! Seriously this happened last week to so having it back to back is something of a treat!
Part of the reason they don’t do that very often is that Leopardon doesn’t so much ‘walk’ as… ‘flail around helplessly in a vague direction.’ But hey, at least it makes it feel like a real fight!
Sadly without his blue diamond though Kabuton’s beam quickly burns out and his chest explodes all on its own. Spider-Man isn’t content to sit out of the fun though and an Arc Turn and Sword Vigor quickly put an end to the love-struck menace.
And with the narrator calling the already exploded Kabuton invincible (the staff of this show really need to look up the meaning of that word again), and then noting that Kabuton died while still holding on to ‘the soul of an insect’, we’re off to the credits!
So, Final Thoughts?
Alright to unpack, this was a tragic romance told between a diamond powered shape changing laser cannon beetle monster and a human woman. And no single part of this episode presented any of that with anything but the straightest possible face. The people making this show themselves saw absolutely no humor in the fact that they were asserting that this monster retained it’s pure insect heart which allowed it to know love.
It’s really hard for me to make any jokes about that with how insanely earnest they are with the whole thing. Tragic monster romances are a staple of fiction but this is by far one of the absolute goofiest ones I’ve ever seen. And it’s pretty great that the show states that Kabuton would have completely destroyed Spider-Man in a straight fight, so our hero was saved basically thanks to Kabuton’s stupidity. I mean Kabuton LITERALLY GAVE SHINKO HIS HEART. Japanese Spider-Man exists in this weird story telling style where the absolute craziest stuff happens but it all comes with this completely straight style that you can’t help but love.
Also feel free to take bets on whether or not Sunamura’s device that would lead to finding the Iron Cross Army’s hideout will ever be mentioned again. Insanity does not often breed continuity after all!
And now, on the next episode of Japanese Spider-Man!
A snake woman shows up! Shinko has a friend named Shimako! Shimako is that snake woman (well that wasn’t much of a mystery)! And Shimako attacks Shinko! Also there’s a really tight necklace!
Shinko just can’t seem to catch a break next week in Japanese Spider-Man Episode 10: I saw the Tears of the Snake Woman in the Fires of Hell.
Japanese Spider-Man is copyright Toei Company and Marvel Entertainment.
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